Little miss make up
Today I want to talk about how an illness can take over your life and all the changes and challenges I face.
I have been struggling lately, from been so sick and so tired its hard to keep going.
My moods have been up and down and i had two. I had two bad nights. Feeling down is normally for all of us but when battling a chronic illness been down is part of your life. I get fustrated and angry with myself when my body wont let me do things.
Been stuck in bed for weeks and feel so miserable and dealing with agonising pain everyday it takes it toll on me emotionally and physically.
A few nights ago I felt broken. I jist broke down and I sobbed my heart out. I was crying for the girl I ised to be. The girl who didnt need medication for tomes a day. The girl who had fun and dodnt have to worry about the pain and exhaustion after going out shopping or taking off for the day with friends.
Now doing my food shopping has me in agony and absouletyl exhausted. Planning a day out requires days of rest before hand and days of rest after words.
I feel like im grieving for the old me. The carfree spur of the moment me. Now everything is planned and even at that a planned day can end up been cancelled because a flare can come on so fast and I can get sick so fast. My immune system is so low I pick up and infection so easily.
Even though I broke down and cried my heart out it felt good to cry and get it off my chest. Holding it in can be worse and im ok woth showing my emotions. We all get sad at times and its ok. If you want to cru wven for no reason you cry and afterwards you feel that little bit better.
Dont bottle anything up or hold it in. Talk to someone and cry get it out it does help. Never be ashamed of feeling down or sad because everyone gets like that. Feeling down at times help up appreciate the good and happy times that much more.
Since the night I cried I have been good. I am taking part in the Waterford rose selection for the rose of tralee which I am so excited about and nervous. It will be hard with my illness but I will push myself and show everyone that even though our bodies dont work all the time we can do what we wish.
Last night I laugh and laughed so much which felt amazing and all thanks to my amazing boyfriend. He always makes me laugh and puts a smile on my face even on bad days. Im so lucky to have such an amazing and understanding boyfriend who loves me for me. We have fun and laugh and plan days out when I am good and on bad days he calls down and we cuddle and watch tv. He is the best and he also is going to be my escort for the waterford rose selection.
My dads godchild treasa is my rose bud which im so excited for we will be in the tramore st.patricks day parade together with all the waterford roses.
So yes things get hard and i miss the old me but things also get good and I appreciate those days so much more than I ever would have when I wasnt sick. Been sick makes you see life differently and makes you appreciate the small things so mich more and that I am thankful for.
Thanks so much for reading.
lots of love,
Little miss make up xox.