Little miss make up
So I'm going to talk about how my illnesses affect me.
Im not having the best night I forgot to get my sleeping tablets. So my mind tends to wander when I can't sleep and I over think, stress myself and get quiet down.
I am a very positive person and I have come so far from struggling with very bad depression, but I do get the odd bad time and this always happens at night when I can't sleep.
So I first got a diagnosis in 2011. I was firstly told I had cartilage damage in my hips and that's why I was in agony and having trouble trying to walk. So I was put on a waiting list to an operation on both hips to take place in the Mater hosiptal in Dublin.
I was terrfied but super excited thinking wow I can be fixed. So I thought!
I got in on a cancellation. So trilled I went up for a consultation a week prior to my operation. The doctor comes in and looks at me. Then he examined my hips. Twisting my legs I every direction. So then he looked at me and asked me to stand up. I hadn't a clue what he was doing. He asked me to touch my toes without bending my knees, which I could do no problem. He then got me to bend my tumb back to my forearm. Yet again. I did this no problem.
He then sat down and told me I had hypermobility syndrome and if they didn't figure this out now and had done the operation I would have never walked again.
I was in shock and terrfied. He explained because of the elasticity in my joints and muscles. If they went in to operate they would have to stretch out the muscle to get into my hip joint. Due to my extra stretchy muscles the muscle would have never retained its former state, leaving the muscle stretched out.
So we then got up to leave. I just remember having a lump in my throat and feeling like I was going to exploded as we walked out. I keep saying we of course my Mam and dad where with me.
I seen the hospital doors and I tried to walk faster as soon as I got out I just broke down.
I was so upset having been told it will be ok we can fix you to finding out I would be like this forever. Living in constant pain and struggling to do normal day to day things. I couldn't handle it . My mind was fine there was so much I wanted to do with my life yet my body wouldn't let me it was holding me back.
I struggled for years to accept my conditions and as I got older they got worse and I got more diagnoses.
After my first diagnoses I struggled a lot .
My parents where amazing and so caring and supportive but I'm the type of person who used to hide how I felt. I would bottle it all up and break down in my room and cry myself to sleep.
I always hid it because I didn't want to upset my parents or make them feel bad. I didn't want to burden anyone else over my condition.
I felt like a failure like I could never do anything now. I thought I was useless.
The same year I got bullied very bad over having a disability been called cripple and people saying oh you look fine nothing is wrong with you. Your faking it and making it up. I got told that hypermobility wasn't a real condition it was a mad up thing by doctors that didn't no what was wrong with you. I was called a hypercondriact. It was apparently all in my head and because I was thinking it it was magically making me feel like I was in pain.
I left school after three months in six year in 2011.
I stayed home a lot didn't have any friends and people thought I wouldn't end up amounting to much.
So I proved them all wrong. I went back to school into an amazing class . They where so kind and helpful and accepting of me and my conditions. I made great friends that are still there for me now.
So I studied my little ass off the whole year every since night. I'm not by any means smart so I had to study loads.
I got on good in my pres but I wanted better. So I studied and studied. Any days I missed been sick I got my work sent home to me and I always did extra homework.
I ended up having a bad break-up with my ex during my art leaving cert exam. He cheated on me and I was very upset took a week off school. Then said he's not worth it and got back into study and trying to prove that I can do well in life.
So I ended up getting 365 in my leaving and getting my first choice doing social science in UCC.
I was over the moon and so where my parents and all my family. I did it and I was so proud of myself.
I went to college and I loved it but my poor little body wasn't able for college. I was exhausted and needed three to four naps a day.
So I finished first year and had to repeat exams to do.
I went in and did my repeat philosophy exam which I had failed by 9%. I passed my repeat.
I had a social psychology exam to repeat which I failed by 3% but I refused to do the repeat Mam begged me to do it but no I told her it wasn't for me so I dropped out.
I then convinced Mam I wanted to do beauty therapy. So I applied through FAS and went for my interview. My interview went amazing and I got accepted into the course.
I absolutely loved my course. I studied in Waterford city. The girls in my class where so nice.
I got a merit and a pass in my exams and I'm now a qualified beauty specialist with CIBTAC and ITEC.
The second part of the course I did for about three months but I got very ill and had to leave .
We where working with machines and due to the electrical current in the machines it affected my heart.
I then found a consultant in cork that deals with people with EDS. I was fully convinced I had this condition from researching how I was.
He is a private consultant called Dr.mulchay and he is brilliant. My parents always supported me financially and paid for my visits every eight weeks to this doctor.
He diagnoised me with elhers danlos syndrome type three the hypermobility type. I was relieved for this diagnoises and I had accepted at this stage that I was different.
He referred me to a heart specialist in the Mater in Dublin for a tilt table test.
This was all private and my axing parents paid a lot of this test. It was horrible getting it done. On standing my heart rate went to 162beats per minute.
I was then diagnoised with dysautonomia POTS. It was a relief again to have a diagnoise.
From then I went on to see a gastroenterologist this time it was a public hospital in the mercy in cork.
I went threw a series of horrible exams and tests.
Which revealed I had a blockage in my bowel. I do suffer from irritable bowel syndrome which gives you bloating, severe cramping, nausea, vomiting, diahreoa and constipation.
I also got diagnoised with dyspraxia which I will do a full blog post on.
So that was a long post.
I just needed to blog and get everything off my mind.
Hope you found this interesting and got to know me a bit more.
Thanks for reading,
lots of love,
Little miss make up xox